Skeletons In The Literal Closet
by NirCele
Summary: It all began with the opening of the One Closet. Elladan and Elrohir, perpetual mischief-makers, have finally crossed the line. They discover something that should have never been revealed, and Erestor and Glorfindel are out for revenge. The sequel to GGHWC and EGPWC is finally here! (A birthday present for the most wonderful Pip the Dark Lord of All)
1. Glorfindel

**This is, as I said in the description, is a present for the epic and unforgettable** **Pip the Dark Lord of All.** **Technically, it's for both her RL birthday and her fanfiction anniversary, but all the same! She is an amazing friend, and the one that inspired me to start writing insane stories of my own. So, this is for you, Pip.**

 ***bows***

 **I hope you enjoy.**

* * *

It began with the opening of the One Closet.

Admittedly, that was a pretty dumb thing to do, seeing as it was Glorfindel's closet, and he threw a ton of stuff in there that should never see the light of day again. Ghastly fumes occasionally wafted out from underneath the closed door, and there were strange noises in there sometimes.

But I digress.

It was a calm, peaceful, etc., etc., etc. morning in Imladris, as it usually was when Elladan and Elrohir slept in late. Every time that they did manage to wake up on time, it was still calm and peaceful because everyone was hiding from them.

Elladan and Elrohir were in Glorfindel's rooms while everyone hid from them, and they were going through his things because he wasn't there. Apparently he was off hugging everyone, or something like that. Whatever. What mattered was that he wasn't there!

"Hey, look at _this_ ," Elrohir said, holding up something he had fished out from beneath Glorfindel's favorite pillow, Sir McFluffinator (the name was stitched on the pillowcase).

"Ooh, blackmail!" Elladan exclaimed in glee, snatching the item and examining it more closely. It was a small cuddly Balrog with a happy smile and big eyes, tiny red wings flopping all over the place.

"I don't get it," said Elladan, and threw it back onto the bed.

Then he and Elrohir turned around and stared at the closet.

"What do you suppose is in there?" Elladan wondered, seeing a ghastly fume float from beneath the door and drift to the ceiling.

"Beats me, d'ya think it's dangerous?"

"Probably."

"All right!" Elrohir started for the closet. "Let's open it then!"

"Wait!" Elladan exclaimed. "What if it's a trap?"

Elrohir paused, then said dramatically, "It is most certainly a trap."

"Hey, let's trademark those awesome lines so no one can ever use them!" Elladan exclaimed.

"Okay!"

The two ran to the Official Quotes Trademark OfFiCe and trademarked the quotes. Then they ran back to Glorfindel's rooms.

"Are you sure we should?" Elrohir said in a terrified whisper, hesitating as he reached for the doorknob.

Elladan scoffed. "Of course we should! We're going to prove our bravery; see what's in there that horrifies everyone but Glorfindel – and then there's the most obvious reason."

"What's the most obvious reason?"

Elladan slapped his own face. "Why do I always have to be the smart one?"

"YOU'RE NOT THE SMART ONE; I AM, BECAUSE I'M THE ONE THAT ACTUALLY READS BOOKS."

Elladan raised a dramatic eyebrow. (He might have gotten a plagiarizing suing document thingy for using his father's Eyebrow of Doom, but Erestor was busy and so didn't notice). "Whatever. Anyways, the obvious reason we have to do this is because this story won't go anywhere if we don't! And–"

"Stop stalling," said a voice from somewhere.

Elrohir opened the door. There was a cloud of fog blocking everything inside. It was very mysterious, and it stunk a lot.

Then the twins saw something white and gleaming inside the closet. There was a creaking noise, and they both leaned forward eagerly to see what it was. With another creak, the white gleaming thing toppled toward them.

It landed on them both and knocked them to the ground.

When they both recovered their senses, they pushed the white gleaming thing off them and then stood up to look at it, not realizing what it was until a second later.

It was mostly white and delicate, but there was a sheet of something golden (and, oddly enough, looked like Glorfindel's hair) that covered it hairily. Elladan pushed aside the hairy-like gold stuff and then saw what was underneath it.

A bone-white skull leered up at them, rib bones and various other gross bones sticking out everywhere.

Elrohir promptly passed out.

Elladan managed a few more moments of staring in horror at the golden-haired skeleton before he fell over and landed on top of Elrohir, squishing him.

* * *

"Huh," said Glorfindel, staring down at the unconscious twins, hugging each other in their terrified sleep. "Do you think we can wipe their minds and pretend they didn't see anything?"

Erestor kicked the golden-haired skeleton at his feet. "Nope, they've seen too much. We'll have to dispose of them quickly. Let's see, what shall we say to Elrond and Celebrían? Hmm." He scribbled in his notebook. "How about ' _It is to our great sadness and depressness that we inform you about your sons, who unfortunately had a skeleton fall on their heads and kill them_ '?"

"Sure," Glorfindel agreed. "That sounds good. Shall I strangle them as I did her?" Imitating Erestor, he kicked the skeleton for added effects.

"No, I was thinking more along the lines of punching them in the face," Erestor said. "There's a way to do it so you can smash the cartilage up into the soft tissue and kill them instantly–"

"I don't like killing people when they're asleep," Glorfindel said. "It goes against my morals."

"Morals? You accidentally hung your sister with her own hair because she was stealing all of your fame," Erestor said, writing in his notebook again.

"I resent that statement!" Glorfindel exclaimed.

"So you're saying it's not true?"

"No, but I still resent it!" Glorfindel looked again and the sleeping twins, now snoring away happily, and he sighed. "I just can't kill them – they're too adorable!"

"Fine," Erestor sighed. "Wake them up and _then_ strangle them."

"Okay!" Glorfindel picked Elrohir up and hugged him, then dropped him and hugged Elladan.

It took about two seconds for them to wake up from the amazing power of Glorfindel's hug. They both shot to their feet, gasping.

"Did I really see what I thought I saw?" Elrohir exclaimed.

"DID WE?" Elladan shrieked.

"No, you didn't," Erestor said soothingly, writing something in his notebook. " _Glorfindel, strangle them now_."

Elladan looked down and saw the golden-haired skeleton at his feet. "YES, WE DID," he screamed, then promptly passed out again.

Elrohir rubbed his eyes and stared at the skeleton, then looked at Glorfindel. "Why is there a skeleton in your closet?" he said.

"Because I put it there," Glorfindel said.

Erestor jotted something in his notebook.

"I'm sorry, I just found out that I can't strangle them, conscious or not," Glorfindel said apologetically to Erestor. "They're just too adorable. Can I hug them instead?"

"NO," said Erestor. He wrote one last thing, then put his notebook away.

"Why would you want to strangle me?" Elrohir said, sniffling.

"Because you found out my secret," Glorfindel said.

"What secret?" Elrohir said, his eyes lighting up.

Erestor made a slashing motion across his throat.

" _You want me to kill you_?" Glorfindel whispered.

Erestor shook his head and raised a finger to his lips.

" _Put my finger in front of your face_?" said Glorfindel, confused.

Erestor growled exasperatedly and clasped his hands in front of his mouth.

" _Strangle you_?" Glorfindel exclaimed in a whisper.

Erestor hit his head against the wall.

"So, what's the secret again?" Elrohir said.

"I accidentally hung my sister with her own hair because she was stealing all of my fame," Glorfindel said. "And then I put her body in the closet, where she turned into a skeleton, but her hair stayed golden and glorious, unfortunately."

"YOU HAVE A SISTER?" Elladan cried, waking up.

"But no one ever said you had a sister!" Elrohir said.

Glorfindel shrugged. "We did a permanent mind-wipe of everyone in Middle Earth, so now no one knows."

The twins both gasped. "But how did you do that?"

Glorfindel tossed his glorious hair and smiled. "We had a lot of super powerful people on our side, who also accidentally killed their sisters and put them in their closets."

The twins screamed and ran out of the room.

"Le gasp," said Glorfindel depressedly. "They got away."

Erestor scowled at him. "You totally messed that up – forget it, I'll go solve this problem myself." He pulled a knife out of his boot and stabbed Glorfindel in the shoulder, then stomped out of the room.

Glorfindel put the skeleton back in his closet and shut the door, then sat down. He pulled the knife out and ate it, then wrapped a bunch of his golden hair around his shoulder.

He took a deep breath, and then began singing in a _muy muy_ soft voice. "Flower, gleam and glow..."

The golden flower emblem on his tunic flashed. His hair slowly started to shine from the top of his head, and the glow started down…

"...Let your power shine..."

The glowy glowing stuff reached the end of his golden hair and engulfed his shoulder in glowy glowing stuff.

"...Make the clock reverse..."

The wound slowly knitted itself back together, the blood disappearing from his hair.

"...Bring back what once was mine..."

The wound healed completely and his hair glowed one last bright time.

"...What once...was...mine."

Glorfindel finished the song and stood up, tossing his hair back over his shoulder. Then he looked down where the wound had been and gasped. A moment later, his voice echoed through the Halls of the Least Homely House.

"COME BACK HERE ERESTOR; YOU GOT A HOLE IN MY SHIRT!"

* * *

 ***gasps* What's going to happen now?! Is Erestor going to catch the twins? Where are the twins going? What's the evil conspiracy behind it all? How can Glorfindel do that...thing...with his...hair?! Why was there a skeleton in Glorfindel's closet? Am I ever going to stop talking? All will be revealed in the next chapter - be prepared!**

 **If you loved this chapter, just remember...it was beta-ed by *drumrolls* the most fabulous** **Sixty-four K** **! All hilarity was proof-read by her and (I hope) given her stamp of approval, which is something one longs most earnestly after.**


	2. Erestor

**I didn't _need_ to wait until today to post this, but I had to. Because...TODAY is the amazingly epic  Pip the Dark Lord of All's fanfiction anniversary! She's been alive on here a whole year now! :D Everyone, wish her an insanely awesome anniversary in your review, because she deserves it! Also go check out her self-present, titled ****The Fellowship Reads My Fanfiction.**

 ***wishes her an insanely awesome anniversary***

 **And now...go ahead and read the next insane chapter. Please don't die. (Of laughter.)**

* * *

Elladan and Elrohir hid in their little sister's room, gasping.

"I can't believe Glorfindel killed his sister!" Elrohir exclaimed, but very sneakily and quietly, because he didn't want anyone to hear him.

"It was an accident," Elladan reminded him.

"But still!" Elrohir put his hands on his hips. "We need to go tell _Ada_."

"But _Ada_ 's mind has been wiped too, remember?" Elladan said.

"Oh yeah. Well, let's go tell him anyways."

"All right."

The twins headed for the door, but just then they heard the door open. They looked at each other in a panic, then whirled around, dashing over the wardrobe and hiding behind it.

Arwen walked into the room, then went and sat on her bed.

The twins sighed, relieved, then headed for the door.

"Hey!" Arwen said. "What are you doing in here?"

Elladan and Elrohir rolled their eyes. "We're hiding from Erestor and Glorfindel, duhhhh," Elrohir said.

"Yeah, Glorfindel killed his sister and they didn't want it to get out so now they're trying to kill us," Elladan added.

Arwen snorted. "Sure." She picked up the remote and turned her TV on.

"Ooh!" Elrohir exclaimed. "Are you going to watch Thranduil: The Movie(A Lamentable Tragedie)? I heard it just came out on DVD Blu-Ray VCR Extended Edition High Quality Special Features Two-Disc Boxed Set Digital HD Ultraviolet ABC 123 etc., etc., etc.!"

"Nope," said Arwen. She turned on the DVD player. "I'm going to watch Tangled." Her brothers groaned. Arwen threw the remote at them. Elladan caught the remote and ate it. Arwen pulled out another remote and pressed play.

Elladan and Elrohir left.

"Okay, where would Ada be this time of day?" Elladan wondered.

"In a council meeting," Elrohir said.

"Right."

They went to the council meeting and went inside. Lord Elrond was sitting at the head of the table, his head on the table.

"Well," said a boring adviser. "Who votes on getting the purple tapestries? All in favor, say aye."

"Aye," said the one other person who was still awake.

The boring adviser looked around. "All opposed?"

Everyone snored.

" _Ada_!" Elrohir exclaimed.

Elrond sat up and smiled innocently. "I was awake this whole time, I was just meditating."

Erestor was standing creepily in the corner.

" _Ada_!" Elrohir continued. "We have something super duper important to tell you! The fate of Middle Earth may be at stake!"

"You said that last time," one of the boring advisers said. "When someone stepped on a flower in the garden."

"Shush, I want an excuse to get out of here anyway," Elrond said.

The adviser shushed.

"Council adjourned," Elrond said happily.

Everyone left.

"So what did you want to tell me?" Elrond asked.

Elrohir and Elladan looked around. They didn't see Erestor still standing in the corner, so they both leaned toward Elrond and whispered, "Glorfindel accidentally strangled and/or hung his sister by her own hair."

"Oh, that's all?" said Elrond.

"Yup," said the twins.

"Oh. Okay." Elrond sat down. "I'll decide what to do after I take a nap, all right?"

"Fine," said the twins.

"Erestor, come here, I need you to guard me while I sleep," Elrond ordered.

"Bye," said the twins.

Erestor stalked over to the table and guarded Elrond.

The twins left.

They went down the hallway and then stopped at Erestor's chambers.

"Say…" said Elrohir. "Do you suppose Erestor has anything we can use to blackmail him?"

"Well, he's not around, it wouldn't hurt to check!" Elladan said with an evil grin, and so the twins went into Erestor's room.

They didn't find anything they could use to blackmail Erestor. Actually, the only things in the entire room was a desk, a bed, and a chair. Oh, and three pieces of paper arranged very organizedly on the desk.

So they went over to the closet.

Elladan paused. "Do you really think we should check the closet? Remember what happened last time we looked in someone's closet?"

"Of course I do." Elrohir suddenly gasped. "Hey! Do you think there's a skeleton in Erestor's closet too? Maybe we could use that to blackmail him!"

"Why would we even want to blackmail Erestor?" Elladan said.

"So he can convince _Ada_ that lounging around all day and eating ice cream is healthy for us," said Elrohir.

"Right. Let's check the closet."

They opened the closet.

This time, when a skeleton fell out on top of them, they didn't faint.

But when the carpet behind the skeleton fell on top of them, then they fainted.

* * *

"I thought you were supposed to be babysitting Elrond while he slept," Glorfindel said.

"Nope." Erestor scribbled in his notebook. "When I received the alert that someone had broken into my room, I punched Elrond to make sure he wouldn't wake up and then I came here immediately."

Glorfindel poked the unconscious twins in their noses. "Boop," he said.

"Stop booping them, Glorfindel," Erestor said. He wrote something else and then put his notebook in his pocket. "All right, we need to drag them to the river after we punch them dead and then –"

"GAHHH," said Elladan, sitting up.

Erestor screamed and punched him.

Elladan flopped over and passed out.

"Why'd you do that?!" Glorfindel exclaimed.

"Because," said Erestor.

"That's not a good reason," Glorfindel said.

"Whatever." Erestor pulled out his notebook and wrote something else. "All right, let's take them to the river."

Glorfindel sighed. "I just can't drown them, they're too cute."

"They're not cute!" Erestor exclaimed. "They're conniving little sneaksters! Look, now they found my sister!"

"Oh, don't worry, they won't tell anyone," Glorfindel said.

"You can't say that," Erestor said.

"Yes, I can," Glorfindel said confusedly. "I just did."

Erestor sighed heavily. "Glorfindel, you're such a moron."

"Thanks!" Glorfindel beamed. "That was a compliment, right?"

"Pff. Of course it was." Erestor put his notebook away again.

"ADAAAAAAAAA!" Elrohir screamed, sitting up and screaming. Then he screamed again.

Erestor drew his fist back to punch him, but Elrohir hid behind Glorfindel. Erestor ran around Glorfindel to punch him, but Elrohir ran away from him and around Glorfindel.

Glorfindel just stood there while Erestor chased Elrohir around him; Elrohir screaming like a maniac while Erestor was silent and deadly as he chased with his fist raised in the air.

Finally Glorfindel got tired of them doing that. He picked them both up and then set them on the floor.

Erestor glowered at him.

"Sorry," Glorfindel said. "But that was annoying. Just stop trying to punch people."

"No," said Erestor stubbornly.

Elladan woke up.

"So whose skeleton is that?" Elrohir asked, pointing at the skeleton on the floor. This one had hair just like the other one did, but it was midnight black…just like Erestor's hair.

"It's Erestor's sister," Glorfindel said.

"Ohhhhhh," said Elrohir.

Erestor raised a fist threateningly at Elladan and the older twin fainted again.

"Does that mean Erestor killed his sister?" Elrohir asked.

"No," Erestor snorted. "I accidentally smothered her in that carpet." He pointed at the carpet beside the skeleton.

The carpet waved.

"Stop," said Erestor. "You're not supposed to be animated, you'll give it all away."

 _Sorry_ , said the carpet, and stopped waving.

"This is all so weird," Elrohir said.

"Ikr," Glorfindel agreed.

Erestor threw something at him. "Don't talk in texting speech, it doesn't even make sense."

"Same 2U," Glorfindel said.

"Stoppppppppp!" Erestor said.

"W8, jk," said Glorfindel.

Erestor hit his head against the wall.

"Hey," Glorfindel said. "They got away."

Erestor looked at the twins.

They weren't there.

"Glorfindel," said Erestor. "You let them get away again, you dunce."

"Oops," Glorfindel said.

Erestor went over to the closet and took out a weird-looking lamp. He sat down next to the black-haired skeleton and the pretending-to-not-be-animated carpet.

Then he rubbed the lamp.

Smoke came out of the lamp and turned into this weird floaty shimmery jangly fatty legless guy.

"Hello there!" said the floaty legless guy cheerfully. His lower half was still smoke and it was going inside the lamp.

"Stop being cheerful," Erestor said gloomily.

The floaty legless guy stopped being cheerful.

Erestor scowled happily. "Good. I wish I knew where Elladan and Elrohir were going next."

"Uh…I can't see into the future," said the floaty legless guy. "Can you wish something else?"

Erestor shook the lamp and made the floaty legless guy jiggle. "You're supposed to be able to do anything!"

"Well, I can't," the floaty legless guy said.

"Can you kill Elladan and Elrohir and throw them in the river for us?" Erestor asked hopefully and maliciously.

"No," said the floaty legless guy. "I can't kill anyone, sorry. You should know the rules, your sister was the one who used to –"

"Right then, you're useless." Erestor shoved the floaty legless guy back into the lamp, then tossed it back into the closet along with the still-pretending-to-not-be-animated carpet and the black-haired skeleton.

"Now what?" asked Glorfindel.

Erestor stood up and started toward the door. "Now…" he said dramatically. "…We find the twins and wipe their minds of the truth."

"And my sister," Glorfindel said. "We have to wipe my sister from their minds too."

"Duh, that's part of the truth," Erestor said, not-smacking him.

"Oh, right. Just making sure."

Erestor whacked him with the notebook. Then, he and Glorfindel went out of Erestor's rooms and started looking for the twins.

* * *

 **And here is where I thank the most fabulous Sixty-four K for making this chapter go smoothly and fabulously. Thank you so much for managing to take the time to read over this and correct my mistakes before I posted it. *offers donuts***


	3. Lindir

**I was going to post this yesterday, but I wasn't able to...here it is now, anyways. Many, many thanks to 64K the most fabulous for beta-ing this chapter! :D**

 **And another happy birthday and fanfic anniversary for Pip the Dark Lord of All, though they're long over by now. But you still deserve it.**

* * *

The twins ran down the hallway, away from Erestor's rooms. Then they saw Lindir.

"Lindir!" gasped Elrohir. "Quickly; you must help us!"

Lindir stopped playing his Lyre, looking at them oddly and scaredly. "Help you with what?"

Elladan and Elrohir looked around to make sure Erestor or Glorfindel weren't anywhere around. Then, they leaned closer and whispered, "We need you to hide us."

"Why?" said Lindir.

"Don't ask us questions; just hide us!" Elladan ordered.

Lindir put the Lyre in his pocket. "Fine, come with me," he said. He walked away. The twins followed him.

A few minutes later, Lindir stopped outside his rooms. "Here," he said. "You can hide in there. Who are you hiding from anyway?"

"No one," said Elrohir.

"Suuuuuure," Lindir said. "Fine. Hide in there, and don't touch anything or you'll break it. And leave the instruments alone, especially the flutes. And don't look at the harp in the corner; it's very fragile and might break. And try to not touch the floor either."

"I don't really see how that would work," said Elrohir. Then, he and Elladan went into Lindir's room.

"This is boring," Elladan said, looking around at the very musical room. Elrohir went over and poked at the flutes. Elladan looked at the harp in the corner. It broke.

The twins looked down. Their feet were touching the floor.

"Let's sneak out the window and creep around," Elrohir said.

"Okay."

The twins snuck out the window and crept around.

"Hey, look, there's Arwen!" said Elrohir a few minutes later, when they had paused on the balcony to Arwen's rooms. They looked inside.

Arwen was watching _Snow White and the Thirteen Erebor Dwarves_. It was about some girl who liked birds and deer and lots of fluffy animals and one day stumbled upon this cottage in the woods. There were a bunch of dwarves inside, who gave her a gold ring and a glowy stone and said that she was awesome. It was one of Arwen's favorite movies.

Elladan and Elrohir snuck into her room and crept up behind her. Elladan opened his mouth to say something really loud and scare her, but Arwen spoke first.

"I know you're there," she said creepily.

"That was weird," Elrohir said.

"Yup," said Elladan.

"Hey, do you want to watch _Snow White and the Thirteen Erebor Dwarves_ with me?" Arwen asked.

"NEVAHHH," said the twins.

"Fine." Arwen pressed play and this black-haired, white-skinned lady danced onto the screen, singing with a dozen or so weird animals.

"That's weird," Elrohir said.

"Yup," said Elladan.

"Ohh, I love this movie so much," said Arwen. "Isn't the girl adorable? She reminds me of Lindir!"

"Our sister is weird," Elrohir said.

"Yup," said Elladan.

They snuck out of the room and crept around again. Suddenly, they saw Glorfindel and Erestor walking scarily towards them.

"My alert just went off again," Erestor said scarily. "They were in Arwen's rooms a few seconds ago."

"Let's get them and give them a big hug!" Glorfindel said.

"No," Erestor said.

"Two hugs?" said Glorfindel hopefully.

"NO."

Glorfindel kicked a rock.

"Run," Elladan whispered dramatically.

They ran back to Lindir's rooms.

Lindir wasn't there.

The twins flopped down on his bed and broke something, but they ignored it.

"So now that we're hiding, what do we do?" Elrohir wondered.

Elladan flopped his head sideways and stared at the wall. Then he saw a door on the wall. "Hey, look," he said. "There's a door on the wall."

Elrohir looked at it. "That's a closet."

"I knew that," Elladan said.

"Lindir has a closet!" Elrohir suddenly exclaimed.

"Duh..." said Elladan.

"I wonder what's in there," Elrohir mused. "Harps? Lyres? A few flutes? Maybe a bunch of books on the history of music?"

"A dead body?" Elladan suggested.

They looked at each other, then leaped off the bed and ran at the closet.

Elrohir got there first and excitedly turned the doorknob.

It was locked.

"Snappity snoop doop dop whammy whammy slammy!" said Elrohir, kicking at the door in frustration. He missed and kicked the oboe leaning against the wall.

His toe broke.

He fell over screaming.

Elladan stepped over him, took a key out of his pocket, and unlocked the door. He opened it.

A skeleton fell out, with black hair and a shriveled mummified apple stuck in its bony teeth. It fell on top of Elrohir.

Elrohir passed out.

Elladan looked inside the closet and saw harps, lyres, a few flutes, and a bunch of books on the history of music. He shut the door and locked it again, then fainted and fell beside Elrohir.

* * *

"Glorfindel, stop poking their eyes to see if they're awake," Erestor said, flipping a page in his notebook and continuing to write.

"Okay," said Glorfindel. He didn't stop.

Lindir was sitting on his bed hyperventilating.

"And Lindir, stop hyperventilating," Erestor said, his pen moving swiftly over the paper.

"Hhhhhihhhh," said Lindir. He didn't stop.

Elrohir twitched, opened his eyes, saw Glorfindel and Erestor standing over him, and passed out again.

Erestor erased something, rewrote it, and put the notebook and pen in his pocket. "I find these two very annoying," he said, accidentally kicking the unconscious twins. "They're getting into other people's closets and are frankly being very annoying."

"Hhhhehhhhh," went Lindir. He was still hyperventilating.

"Ooh," said Glorfindel. "Do you think they've found the List?"

Lindir doubled over and gasped.

"Of course not," Erestor said. "How could they? I keep it in my pocket at all times."

"Why wouldn't you hide it somewhere?" Glorfindel said.

"Because these two snoop around everywhere and get into everything except my pocket," Erestor said. "Now shush, they're waking. Lindir, you may do the honors."

Lindir hyperventilated.

"Never mind," Erestor said. He kicked Elladan and Elrohir and they woke up.

They both screamed.

Elrohir looked at Lindir in shock. "Lindir, I can't believe you would kill your sister! You're so sweet and nice most of the time!"

"That's what he wants you to think," Erestor muttered creepily.

"Actually, he didn't kill his sister," Glorfindel said. "He was too wimpy and nice to do it, so Erestor poisoned her apple and gave it to her so she died."

Elladan and Elrohir looked at each other weirdly. "Could it be…?" Elrohir said.

"Nooooo," said Elladan. "It couldn't!"

"Brb," they said, and dashed out of the room.

Glorfindel brushed his hair.

Lindir fell over on his bed and continued hyperventilating.

Erestor was putting the skeleton back in the closet. He locked it, shut it, put the key in his pocket, and looked around. "Glorfindel!"

"What?" said Glorfindel, brushing his hair.

"You let them get away again!"

"Sorry," Glorfindel said. "But personal appearance is more important to me than holding two innocent twins hostage."

Erestor turned angry red. "THEY'RE NOT INNOCENT, THEY'RE CONNIVING LITTLE SNEAKSTERS."

Glorfindel tossed his head. "That's it! I shall take no more of this getting bossed around by a mere adviser–"

"You have a smudge on your tunic," Erestor said bossily. "Go clean it."

Glorfindel's shoulders slumped and he walked out.

Erestor walked over to the bed and punched Lindir. "Stop hyperventilating," he ordered.

Lindir stopped hyperventilating, buried his head in one of his pristine white pillows, and whimpered.

"There, there," said Erestor, comfortingly patting his head. "It's going to be okay."

"No it's not!" Lindir squeaked. "Now they think I'm evil and I would poison my own sister! My reputation will be in tatters! No one will listen to my music now!"

"Don't worry, they know I'm the one that killed her," Erestor said. "And really don't worry, no one listens to your music anyways."

Lindir burst into tears.

Erestor sighed and patted his head once more, then stood up. "Well!" he said. "I'm going to go find the twins and drown them now!" With that, he dashed out of the room.

Lindir waited until he was gone, then sat up. An evil grin crossed his face. "Kill my sister, will you?" he said evilly. "I'm going to help the twins – I won't stand for any more killing!" With that, he stood up and walked out of the room. In his hand he held a piece of paper. It was…

The List.

* * *

 **Lindir is a pickpocket. O.O**


	4. Gildor (Inglorion)

**I'm going to publish this chapter really quickly before I lose my computer due to internet problems...so here! *tosses it at everyone***

 **Thank you, 64K, for being your fabulous self and beta-ing this!**

* * *

"Flee!" Elladan screamed, running like heck for the woods outside of Imladris. Elrohir was right behind him.

"Flee!" they both screamed. "Flee for your lives!"

Everyone kept walking and ignored them.

"DOOOOOOOOM," said Elladan, then ran off into the woods. Elrohir screamed and ran after him.

As they were running through the woods, they suddenly tripped over a gypsy elf sitting gypsily on the ground.

"Careful, my man," said the gypsy elf.

Elrohir and Elladan landed on the ground and cried.

"Whoa, what's wrong?" said the gypsy elf, patting their heads.

"It's awful," Elrohir sobbed. "Everyone is slaying their sisters!"

The gypsy elf choked and coughed and cleared his throat. "What do you mean? Who's slaying their sisters?"

"EVERYONE! THAT'S WHAT I'M TRYING TO TELL YOU!" Elladan screamed, then passed out.

Lindir suddenly burst through the bushes. He screeched to a stop when he saw the sobbing Elrohir, the unconscious Elladan, and the starting-to-panic gypsy elf. "Oh..." said Lindir, beginning to back away. "Er...my bad. Must go now!"

The gypsy elf grabbed his foot and dragged Lindir to the ground. "Did you tell them?!" the gypsy elf said, shaking Lindir frantically.

"No!" squeaked Lindir. "I didn't, it was Glorfindel and Erestor's fault! Please don't kill me, Gildor!"

"I'll consider not killing you," said the gypsy elf aka Gildor Inglorion.

Lindir passed out.

"Ooh, what's this?" Gildor said, pulling a List out of Lindir's hands. He read it, and his eyes widened. "So THAT'S what Erestor's been hiding this whole time! I don't think this needs to be revealed to the public!" He jumped up and shredded the paper, then scowled at Lindir.

"You traitor," he said. Then he slapped his forehead. "Oh no! I could have used that as blackmail material! Oh well...I'm going to go tell Erestor and Glorfindel where these three are." He dashed away.

Elladan and Lindir sat up, and Elrohir stopped sobbing.

"Quick!" Lindir said. "Let's go!"

They dashed away to hide in Arwen's room.

Arwen was watching _Cindyrella_ , but she didn't even look at her brothers and Lindir as they scurried under her bed to hide.

"Okay," said Lindir, pulling out the Actual List from his pocket. "Here it is – I stole it from Erestor! We need to –"

A knock came at Arwen's door.

"Good evening, Arwen," said Erestor at the door. "I just heard the phrase 'stole it from Erestor' coming from this room. Would you happen to know what it came from?"

"Yup," said Arwen, her eyes fixated on the screen where Cindyrella was singing and dancing in her ridiculous glass slippers. "It must've come from the TV."

"Ri-i-i-ight," said Erestor suspiciously, then vanished.

"Anyways," said Lindir. "It's a good thing that I made a copy of this. So here it is! The Complete Actual List of everyone who had a Dis-Sis and 'accidentally' murdered or had someone else murder them."

"Wait, what's a Dis-Sis?" Elrohir said.

"It's a Disney Sister," Arwen said from on top of the bed, then didn't talk again for the rest of this chapter.

"Ohh, that makes sense," Elladan said. Then he fainted.

Lindir and Elrohir looked very evil.

"So," said Elrohir. "Glorfindel's sister is Rapunzel, I assume?"

Lindir nodded. "And Erestor's is Jasmine." He sobbed angstily into the handkerchief that just appeared into his hand. "And my sister was Snow White – I miss her so muuuuuuuuch!"

"Eh," said Elrohir. "So who was Gildor's sister?"

Lindir stopped sobbing angstily and looked around very sneakily. "Her name was Cinderella," he said.

Elrohir gasped. "There's a movie called _Cindyrella_ , what if they're all the same?!"

Lindir rolled his eyes angstily. "Duh, they're called Dis-Sisters for a reason."

"Uhh...what reason?" Elladan said, waking up.

"I should go team up with my cousin, you guys are acting like morons," Lindir said. "DUH. It's because they're main stars in these famous movies! DUH. And their brothers got jealous, so they slew them! DUH."

"YOU SLEW YOUR SISTER BECAUSE YOU WERE JEALOUS?" said Elladan.

Elrohir made the O.O face.

Lindir smacked them both. "No!" he said angstily. "I didn't slay her; Erestor did! So I must have my revenge by revealing all of the Dis-Sis Slayers! Once everyone on this List has been revealed, their lives will be ruined and my revenge will BE COMPLETE." He cackled evilly.

"Evil!Lindir is creepy," Elrohir said.

"Yup," Elladan said.

"So!" said Lindir, tossing the List somewhere. "I've memorized the List! Let's go find the next person!"

Elladan and Elrohir looked at each other. Elrohir held up a finger.

"Just a minute, Lindir; we're going to talk about this."

"Okay," Lindir said. He took out a pen and doodled on Arwen's bedspread as the twins dove over the side of the bed and out of sight.

Elladan and Elrohir looked at each other.

Elladan raised an eyebrow.

Elrohir shrugged.

Elladan made the -_- face.

Elrohir giggled.

Elladan rolled his eyes.

Elrohir nodded.

Elladan smiled.

They both climbed back on the bed.

"Alright," Elladan agreed –

"WAIT," came a Grammar Nazi voice next to them.

It was Erestor.

"Do not say 'alright'," Erestor ordered, looking at his notepad as he scribbled in it. "It might be considered 'correct' to your downfallen generation, but back when grammar was actually considered important, it was not the right word. If you'd like to use a word besides 'okay' (which, by the way, was invented about a hundred years ago), then say 'All right'. Understand?"

"All right," Elladan said.

"Good." Erestor vanished.

"All right," Elladan agreed, looking at Lindir. "We'll help you reveal the secrets of the List. We need revenge anyway – Glorfindel was threatening to hug us, and Erestor made us pass out multiple times."

"It's not very good for our public image," Elrohir added.

"How did Gildor's sister die anyway?" Elladan asked.

Lindir looked at the List that had magically reappeared in his hands again. "She 'accidentally' tripped over her glass slipper that weren't actually glass (see: translation errors), and she broke her neck."

"Oh."

"Oh."

"So you're joining me, then?" Lindir said.

"Yes," they agreed.

"Good." Lindir jumped up and walked out the door. The twins followed.

Arwen waved.

"So," said Elrohir as they went down the hall.

"So what?" Lindir said.

"I'll ask you later," Elrohir said.

"Okay," Lindir said.

Then they heard an outraged voice behind them coming from Arwen's rooms. "Wait a second!" It was obviously Erestor. "I knew they were in here! Where are they?!"

The TV turned off, and Arwen squeaked.

"WHERE ARE THEY?" Erestor roared.

"Can I give her a hug?" said a happy voice from the room.

Something smashed over someone's head.

"Run," Lindir whispered.

They ran.


	5. Galion

**You are indeed seeing the next chapter!**

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"Why are we...?" Elrohir looked around at the dark towering trees overhead, the creepy spiders staring at them, and the webs strung everywhere.

"In Mirkwood?" said Lindir.

"Yes. That," Elrohir said.

"Because," Lindir said. "1, three people on the List are here; 2, my cousin is here, and; 3, I want some kool-aid."

"I want some kool-aid too," Elladan said.

"Good," Lindir said. "Someone (I suspect Aragorn and/or Legolas and/or Galion) emptied the King's wine barrels and refilled it with kool-aid. It's delicious. If you want some, get it from there. Just don't get caught. You will die."

"Right," said the twins.

"Oh!" said Lindir. "Here we are!"

"The Great Palace of Mirkwood," said Elrohir in awe, looking up at the gates before them.

"Uh...we call it Smirkwood," Lindir said.

"'We'?"

"Everyone."

"Oh. I like it."

"Good. Okay, this way." Lindir walked up to the gates and pounded on them.

Someone opened a tiny peekhole and peeked through the hole. "What?"

"It's Lindir," said Lindir.

"Er...so?"

"So? Let me in!"

"No," said the random person. They slammed the peekhole shut.

Lindir kicked the door in frustration.

"Open this door or we'll tell the King you've been sneaking kool-aid from his wine barrels!" Elrohir said.

There was a long pause.

The doors opened.

They all walked in.

"How did you know that would work?" Elladan said.

"Because _everyone_ sneaks kool-aid from the King's wine barrels," said Elrohir.

The random person who had not-opened, then opened the door for them ran away.

"Come back here, Lethuin, you traitor!" Lindir shrieked after him.

Lethuin didn't stop. He ran around a very handy corner and vanished.

"Bad elf," Lindir grumbled.

"So who's the next person on the List?" Elrohir asked.

Lindir looked around dramatically, then whispered, "Galion."

"Galion?" said Elladan shockedly. "Galion killed his sister?"

"Something like that," Lindir said. "Come on, let's go find him."

"Where do you think he'll be?" Elladan asked.

"In the wine cellars, of course," Lindir said, rolling his eyes.

They went to the wine cellars.

"Helloooo," said Lindir, walking through the door. The twins followed him, whispering.

A person suddenly flew out from a dark corner and tackled Lindir.

Lindir screamed.

"Oops," said the person, setting Lindir upright again.

Lindir brushed himself up and scowled at the person. "What was that all about, Galion?"

"I'm guarding the wine," Galion said suspiciously. "And the barrels."

"Whatever for?" said Elrohir, who had never heard of the Great Barrel Escapade or the Guards' Over-Inhibition of the Wine.

"Because," said Galion. "The last time I left this place alone, I WAS FRAMED."

"You were framed?!" exclaimed Elladan, who had definitely heard of the Great Barrel Escapade and the Guard's Over-Inhibition of the Wine (because he liked to spy on Aragorn and Legolas' conversations), but had never heard of the Framing of Galion.

"Yes!" said Galion. "I was casually guarding in here, just being my usual self. Then my sister came in here with her Famous Yummy Cookies and gave them to me! I couldn't help myself; I had to eat them! But they were drugged! My traitorous sister had fallen in love with some stupid troll who thought he was a Cursed Prince and she drugged me so she would have time to run away with him! Then when I woke up, some Random Hobbit and Group of Dwarves had snuck out of the King's Dungeons and used the barrels to escape through the trapdoor!"

"Ohh," said the twins.

"I think the troll really _was_ a Cursed Prince," said Lindir. "He looks suspiciously like Legolas' older brother that disappeared a while back."

"Shush," said Galion. "Stop interrupting my angsty wailing."

"Hey, we have a question about your sister," said Elrohir.

"Fire away," Galion said. "No! Wait! Not literally. Don't fire anything. And DON'T FIRE ME! I WAS FRAMED!" He sobbed angstily. "Can you believe I was almost fired from my job because of my horrible sister? The King said that I had totally made it up because I wanted to cover up the fact that I had drank all of his wine!"

"Your breath _did_ smell like wine," Lindir said.

"It was my sister's cookies' fault!" Galion defended himself.

"So anyway," said Elrohir. "What happened to your sister?"

Galion looked very guilty suddenly. "Uh...what do you mean? I don't know what you're talking about."

"You're a horrible liar," Elladan said.

"Okay!" Galion gasped. "I admit it! I – I...uh..." He slowly trailed off and stared with a strangely horrified expression behind Lindir and the twins.

"I'm really, really glad Erestor isn't here right now," Elrohir was saying.

Galion squeaked.

"He's behind me, isn't he?" said Elrohir. "This is so cliche."

Galion nodded to both things.

They turned around.

Erestor stood there with a notepad and a pencil, scowling fiercely at them. Glorfindel stood behind him, a bandage wrapped about his head and a decidedly stupid look on his face.

"Uh oh..." said Elrohir.

"Run!" Lindir whispered.

They ran.

When they were safely lost amongst the winding pathways of the dungeons, they finally slowed down, gasping for breath.

"That was close!" Elladan gasped.

" _Too_ close," Elrohir agreed.

Lindir sighed. "Will you please stop saying those overly cliche...things?"

" _Fine_ ," said Elladan.

"As you wish," Elrohir said.

Lindir sighed and sat down.

The twins sat down next to him.

"How _did_ Galion's sister die?" Elrohir asked after a minute of no sentences, paragraphs, or even spaces.

"Her troll boyfriend ate her," Lindir said.

"Really?!" Elladan exclaimed with a disgusted look on his face.

"Yes. It was written in the List, Erestor is always right, and therefore the List is right."

"Right," said Elladan.

"No, left," Lindir said.

"Left?"

"Right!" Lindir said.

"Left is right?" said Elladan very confusedly.

"No, left is _left_ ," Lindir said in a 'duh' voice.

"But you said –"

"Forget what I said," said Lindir.

Elladan forgot it about two seconds later.

Lindir looked at his watch. "Oops!" he said. "I have a music concert I have to be at in 10 minutes! I have to go!" He turned to run but then stopped. "Oh wait. Here." He handed the List to Elladan. "There, read that to find the next person you need to reveal. I'll be back in a few hours."

Lindir dashed away.

Elrohir tried to grab the List, but Elladan wouldn't let him.

"Why can't _I_ keep the list?" Elrohir complained.

"Because," said Elladan. "I'm older and I get the stuff."

"That's not fair," Elrohir said.

"Neither is life."

"Meanie."

"Weenie."

"I am not weenie!" Elrohir shrieked.

"You are." Elladan patted him on the head. "Itty bitty eeniei weenie tiny baby –"

Elrohir smacked him.

Elladan gasped and felt his face to make sure it was still there. "Why would you do that?!"

"Because you were insulting me!" said Elrohir very insultedly.

"I was?"

"Yes!"

"I...was?"

"I think so."

"Was I?"

"I don't know."

"Ugh," said Elladan. "I am so stressed out. Revealing people's secrets is hard."

"You're telling me?" Elrohir said.

"Who are we going to tell anyway?" said Elladan. "It seems like everyone's killed their sisters. Who is safe?!"

"Me," said a voice behind them.

They slowly turned.

Then they saw his face.

They screamed.

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 **I would just... *coughs into fist* ...like to apologize to the most fabulous 64K for not sending this chapter to be beta-ed or even mentioning it. I really wanted it to be a surprise, because - well, Galion, of course. Galion, the brilliant butler, has finally arrived! (And I'm sort of twitching because there's got to be a ton of mistakes I missed because I wanted this to be a surprise...)**

 **But anyways. Everyone else, kindly review! :D *sprinkles glitter on all of you***


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